To the Nonbipolars Out There
by Storm


To the nonbipolars out there, please listen to what I have to say. We bipolars are not always responsible for what we say or do.  Iím not saying that we should be allowed to get away with breaking the law or anything, but Iím referring to our mood swings and some of the mean spirited verbal exchanges that arise from them.

 

I for one am getting sick and tired of having to apologize for something Iíve said while under a ďbipolar monsterĒ attack when I can no longer control that than I can control the price of the stock exchange. There is no way that I can make you understand that it just ďhappensĒ without any warning and there is usually no way that I can make it stop. Itís like watching a movie of you being a jerk but not being able to say ďcut!Ē

 

There will be mornings that I will wake up knowing that itís going to be a ďbadĒ day and that it will be better off for everyone if I just isolate and stay by myself as much as possible. Iím sure you bipolars know what I mean. We know in advance on these days that weíre ripe for a fight over the least little thing and weíre not going to be able to stop ourselves once the fight starts going. The mood has been set long before we have awakened from our sleep. Our brain has set the mood, not us. And itís our brain that will decide when it is time for that mood to pass, not us.

 

There will be days of rapid cycling from one mood to the other. Happy to hateful. Manic to depression. But Iíve learned one thing about being bipolar myself. It doesnít matter which cycle Iím in, Iím always depressive. Sure, I may not show it, but it lies underneath, like a snake just waiting patiently to attack its prey. And attack us it will. Our medication is only there to help ďcontrolĒ our moods and our swings. It isnít there to rid us of them entirely. So that ought to tell you that they are still there and with the slightest provocation, they will come out full force, especially for you who only medicate on days you feel like or not at all.

 

The rage and the desperation that we can feel all at the same time can be so intense that you feel as though you are going insane.  Yet we are expected to carry on life, raising children, going to work our 9 to 5 jobs, do the shopping, etc. Well let me tell you something folks, its not easy. In fact it is pure hell. That social mask we wear can wear fairy thin pretty damn quick and it isnít too long before one or the other emotion is going to take precedence over the other.

 

People without a clue will jokingly say ďoh well he needs to pop a Prozac and heíll be fine.Ē  What the hell do THESE people know and where the hell are they getting their information anyway??? Anyone on this or any other type of antidepressant will tell you that it takes weeks if not months for it to begin to work and you sure as hell donít get a ďhighĒ from it!  Sometimes Iíd like to just dropkick these types of ďnormalsĒ and I use that term once again in a relative sense because I donít believe there is such a human creature alive on this earth.    They think they have stress. They donít know what real stress is, do they my fellow and sister bipolars? They donít know what it is like to not know what kind of person youíre going to be from hour to hour or day to day?

 

Theyíve never spent some time in the psych ward that looks like the set from One Flew Over the Cukooís Nest with some of the really mentally disturbed folks who will most definitely not be walking our streets anytime soon. Want to put things in perspective? Spend some time in there for a few weeks or months.  At least they know where they are at. Then again, perhaps the beauty is that they honestly donít know and donít care.

 

We wait weeks to see if new med combinations will work. Then when we find out they donít, we wait weeks more to see if the next one will work. After years and thousands of dollars later, some of us are still searching. Some of the lucky ones have found their magical combination of pharmaceuticals.  Others still search in hope. Some get so depressed that they take the only way out that they can afford, death.  We all get tired of it all. None of us like taking all the pills. None of us like having to live our life governed by these damn pills. We want our brains to function like everybody elseís. But we have to face the facts. They are not going to. No magical fairy dust is going to make that happen. We are not going to wake up one night with cured neurotransmitters. These were put into place for one reason or the other and are there biologically and are not going to change. The best we can do is take the damn meds to try and control the damage.

 

If the other people around us arenít intelligent enough to be able to comprehend that we have a mental disturbance in our brain then screw them. Iíve tried my utmost to educate them on the ins and outs of bipolar disorder. Iíve seen the glazed look come over their eyes, which means Iíve lost them completely. Of course there are those who because they know somebody somewhere who is bipolar, they assume they are an expert on the subject and they are usually the most dangerous to watch out for because they are usually they ones who know NOTHING whatsoever about this disorder in the first place. There is a hell of a lot to know about bipolar disorder besides the obvious and most people do not know the biological aspects not do they understand how do deal with our symptoms or our mood swings.

 

My advice to them is to either see a shrink or buy a GOOD book. Just donít go by what cousin Alice says that cousin Sue said about nephew Billy about cousin Ralphís sister Kateís boyfriend Bob.

 

 

   

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