My name is
Peter. I am 24 years old I was always an energetic
child growing up, and looking back I had some
depressions here and there like when my parents split
up. I would throw temper tantrums and curse at my mom.
I missed my sisters dearly when they went to college. I
did have great times however in elementary school as I
had many friends and we used to sleep in cemeteries and
do all sorts of daring things. I would ride my bike off
5 foot ramps thinking I was the greatest in the world.
Middle school saw a big change in my being. As a
Caucasian male, I then
began to slowly associate myself as Hispanic and make
only Hispanic friends. I picked up the Spanish language
in maybe a couple months while locking myself in my room
and listening to music in my room. I would get into
many fights as being small wouldnít deter me from
somebody getting in my face. I was like a firecracker
ready to burst.
continued throughout high school. I also learned the
Portuguese language in a couple of months. I dropped
out of high school in my junior year because I only
needed 2 classes left to graduate. I finished them at a
nice adult education program where everyone was nice to
me and I excelled.
high school and after I worked as a lifeguard at a
health club, and I got free membership to the gym so I
could exercise. I went to community college for a year.
Then at 20 years old I moved to Seattle Washington to
live with my sister. I got a job at a market working
graveyard shift and after a week I got fired for cursing
at the boss for something miniscule he said to me. I
then sought an army recruiter as my sister was fed up
with me. I joined the army as a linguist because of my
language ability. I went to basic training. It was
awful. 3 days in I felt a sensation in my mind and body.
built up with energy and more energy and more energy and
I was so irritable I wanted to destroy everything. I was
like a mad gorilla on drugs. I caused chaos all
throughout the base and then I was hospitalized. I
didnít know what was happening to me. They gave me
anti-depressants which made it twice as worse. I
threatened people and knocked over bunk beds and got
into fights. They discharged me with no diagnosis.
I then went
to stay with my dad in Arizona. The pent up energy
slowly went down. I also began to sleep more and my dad
could not get me out of bed. I slowly began to cry over
nothing at all. It built up so that I wanted to kill
myself for no reason. One part of me wanted to die the
other didnít. The part that wanted to live asked my dad
to take me to the hospital. We went, and I went through
hell. It turned out after 2 weeks in the hospital after
watching me very closely they came across my diagnosis.
BIPOLAR ILLNESS! Finally an answer. I was indifferent of
what to think
I then returned to Seattle on lithium and I was stable.
I worked with kids at a Y.M.C.A. and I went to college.
I was doing very well. Then when I was 22 years old one
night something didnít feel right in my head. It built
up fast and it became a mixed episode. I was so
irritable and full of energy yet deadly suicidal at the
same time. horrible!!! I was hospitalized but depakote
saved the day.
Turns out I had a horrible doctor as we didnít monitor
my lithium levels. I had severe diarrhea, vision
problems, severe hand tremors, and slurred speech. I
was hospitalized with a 3.8 lithium level when it should
have been 0.6-1.2, so thatís 3 times the normal
amount. At the hospital I was flushed out with sodium
chloride for 3 days straight. docs said Iím lucky to
going abruptly off lithium I became psychotic. I saw
things coming at me in my peripheral vision. I was
severely suicidal for one month. After testing my
kidneys for one month I was placed back on the lithium
as I started lamictal, synthroidd, clonazepam, zyprexa,
quite the cocktail but it works.
entire horrible nightmare I am still here living with
that is supportive, friends, I go to school, I can hold
down a job. I have
a great future ahead of me. Ask me would I rather not
be bipolar? No
comment. I am who I am and I canít change that. I donít
feel as well as I
want to feel. I am still working with my doctor on
that. I go through hell
most everyday of my life just to do what it takes to
survive. Bipolar tries
to destroy me and is like a bomb when it strikes. It is
like a school
shooting. You canít stop it. I just want it to leave my
How is one
supposed to fight their own mind? It is an endless
battle. I hope that one day I can be cured of this
madness. I hope this has been informative and
interesting for those who took the time to read a little
bit about my experience. Thank you.