Short Story of My Recovery Road So Far.

     I am writing this, to tell my story so others can have hope and you can get to know me better.  I am writing this, so others can be more comfortable with their mental illness symptoms so that they could learn how to let their symptoms heal them.  I am writing this to help others get the big picture, that mental illness can fit in overall life story as one of their greatest blessings.  I am writing this so that others can be comforted by knowing that mental illness can come from an ordinary physical, genetic, or traumatic wound.  Wounds can heal when we cooperate with our healing processes.  I wish I had known all of this at the front end of my illness, instead at the back end.

     I was good at science, math, and counseling over the phone as a high school student.  I wanted to teach and counsel, but I was too shy.  I decided I would have to solve my shyness problem, before I could assist others.  I searched to discover how to recover from my shyness at the Long Beach California Main Library.  I could find no wisdom there of any use to me.  So I gave up, and then two things showed up at my high school.  Recruiters for the Marine Reserves and for an Engineering Co-op Program at the Long Beach Naval Shipyard.

     I did not realize until later that these recruiters were parts of my answers to my quest.  I had also wanted to find out why I had no second wind and was deaf in my left ear.  The Marines taught me more about speaking up for myself and challenged my hearing and short windedness.  I continued to push myself into more responsible positions where I have had to speak up for myself and others, and to challenge my fatigue and hearing.

     Everything was going well until I had a series of  more and more difficult bosses and a more difficult personal life.  When I hit my personal bottom, I decided to go to a two week spiritual retreat to discover my missing energy.  In the long run I found my boldness and my second wind and my answers to my questions. They returned in the form of a whirlwind of energy.  That energy turned into what was later diagnosed as schizophrenia and then later as manic depressive illness.  The manic part was certainly more fun than the depressive part.  The terror running through my body was no fun, but I had learned enough discipline from the Marines to watch this terror and I found that the objective of my terror was to heal me.  Parts were very difficult alone and parts where it was best that I was alone and parts were where I did need some assistance from some meds and family.  I also was over medicated by doctors that I finally had to let go and find one that would work with me.

     I experienced my manic depressive recovery processes first hand for 7 years starting in 1982.  I discovered I had recovered from most of my shyness and chronic fatigue as a part of my mental illness recovery processes.   My illness was a blessing in disguise, to solve the challenges I had set out to conquer in the first place.  I had to demonstrate that I really wanted to recover by my actions and then to let go and let recovery happen.  It helps to have the perspective that can come with some grey hair.

     It took me seven years to integrate my returning energies in my difficult second birth.  I discovered that I had lost my energies and hearing when I was wounded by the doctor's forceps in my difficult first birth.  In my recovering processes, I discovered some of the ways that recovering works.  That is why I call my new career as a Coach that has been there and done that.  The good news is that I became a more whole person.   The other good news news is that I am continuing to grow and learn.  That is part of the recovery process.

     I hope that what is here and what I publish daily on the recovery processes is enough for your self recovery.  When it is not enough you can click on my card below and check on additional information about me and what working with me involves.  When you tell me your story, it is not likely that I will not have experienced some form of that experience.  I also experienced a process I call Christian Kundalini. I use the term Christian, since Jesus is the one that brought me through the whole process until today. What is "Kundalini"? Random House Webster's Electronic Dictionary 1.0 says "kun-da-li-ni (koon dl ee'nee) n. 1. (in yoga) a vital force at the base of the spine that is activated by exercises." I would add that the exercises are spiritual exercises. The spiritual exercises are different forms of forgiveness and acceptance and and cooperation with spirit and concern for all.  That is what I teach now. Our vital force will answer to the term Holy Spirit, or any other term that means spirit of God to where you are right now. God is quite capable of introducing himself, and his son, and does not need others to tell others who he is. Especially, when they do not really know themselves.

    The good news is that kundalini can be a faster way to find your spiritual connections. The bad news is that it can be a most difficult way to find your spiritual connections and has risks. I also teach less risky ways to remove our blocks to our enlightenment. They are still forms of forgiveness, acceptance, cooperation, and concern for all. The other bad news is that we only gain spiritual rebirth through the kundalini process.  We are still left with the challenge of letting God grow us up again...

    I experienced weeks of terror, months of fears, years of uncomfortableness, visions, voices, aloneness, helplessness, boredom and much else.  I can now go with anyone to their terrors inside and show them ways home.  I experienced more understanding fellow patients than hospital staffs or doctors.  When you are interested and determined to find more health and happiness for yourself, I can be of assistance to you on your recovery road.

     I have been making a "Home of Practical Mental Health Information on Generic Spiritual Recovery Processes" here at and my prodigy site since June 1996.  There are many resources on mental health.  There are very few that have recovered from mental illnesses that are providing resources to help others recover.  I am looking for other success stories. Having been there and experienced that, provides a unique and more relevant perspective from my perspective.  I wished for someone like me to assist me, when I went through my recovery processes alone.

     What I do now is continue to practice about 99 practical generic spiritual skills that I also teach to whoever really wants to learn them.  All these skills have Forgiveness, Assertiveness, Consciousness, and Teamworking [FACT] as a part of their essence.  These skills worked and work for me and all the others that I know about, when you work them and I work them.  These skills are designed to take anyone closer to spirit.  Some people hire me as a temporary friend that can help them when they are ready to take responsibility for their own recovery.  One of these friends wrote:  "I started out to hire a friend and ended up having a spiritual brother who encouraged my soul." and "I felt that you could feel my pain and see the warts on my soul, but not turn away form me or get caught up in them.  You consistently projected a healing and intelligent caring."

     When you are interested in how I now look at mental illness you can go to my updated letter on Mental Health to Tipper Gore.

Copyright (c) 1997, 8, 9 by Michael Foster, M. A. at (301) TOTAL-DC and


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