well i donít even know where to begin. I have been in and out of


depression for as long as i can remember, I would have my friends

over it would be

so great then when it was time for them to leave i would fall

into a major

depression  for days. I was in and out of it that fast. Then when

my parents split

and told me that the only reason they stayed married for as long

as they had

was for my brother so he could finish school, and i thought ok

but what about

me i still had 6 yrs to go. Then also after they divorced my mom

became an

even worse alcoholic and i never talked to my dad so there i sat

age 13 to do

whatever i could because i was always home alone and i had plenty

of friends that

were from the wrong crowd to get into trouble with. I was having


sex and began takin drugs and drinking any chance i had. that

lasted for about

a year then my mom decided to settle down with her new boyfriend

and thought

she was gonna try to be a mother now after i had been running

loose for a year

doing whatever i pleased. So that lead to huge fights and then to


abuse from her so i left to move in with my dad who i barely knew

because he

worked 24-7 and was never home or around. He had moved on to

 re-mary a woman that

was only 10 years older then myself. She was over baring and very


hungry she made sure dad kept a tight lease on me by not letting

me go out with

friends or let me have friends over either. Little did i know she

was doing drugs

and that explains why she would be one way today then tomorrow u

wake up and

she was the worse person to be near! So i had to go through her

ups and downs

trying to benifit from the ups as much as i could but it was

making my

depression worse because i had to live with her rules and drug

abuse.i went through a

few horible relationships then went on to get married to the

greatest man

ever who has been throgh this all and stood by my side. After the

bitrh of my

first child six months later i fell into a deep depression worse

then any i had

felt all my life so i decided to see a doctor who began me on a

regimen of

przac and synthroid. Then i hit my first manic high and i was on

cloud nine life

could not been any better. So my husband and i began trying for a

second child

and when we found out i was perganant i stoped all meds cold

turkey in fear

they may have an effect on my baby. During that time i fell

deeper and deeper

into a sever depression then after her birth i hit my lowest time

when i actully

wanted to die! I began taking my meds the day i had her and have


trying to regain my life back for the past 3 years. Ihope this

will hepl

someone else who may feel like this too. Its hard but if u keep

trying u can

eventully get back to a normal life and feeling. thanks for your

time jennifer mckim



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