I never really knew that I was manic depressive until after I had
 my second child. It was a hard pregnancy and very traumatic for
 us both. As the months went on, I became totally depressed and
 out of control. I was married, yet had affairs, it was the
 thrill. I spent money like crazy and it was on nothing special. I
 had no idea what I was doing until I finally cracked and had an
 emotional breakdown. It was then that my doctor told me that I
 was a manic depressive.
 
 I didnt really understand what it was or why I had it. I have
 never heard of it before and as far as I knew no one in my family
 had it. Well, when my son was 2 almost 3 he was diagnosed
 ADHD/Bipolar. It scared me to death. Some of the things that my
 son used to do was not a normal child behavior. We began him on
 medication and it seems to be helping him alot.
 
 I continued on with the weird behavior but in spurts. It wasnt
 all at once and it wasnt all the time. It was almost 4 years
 before I started the crazy behavior once again. This time I
 begged for help and was sent to a pyschologist who put me on
 medication as well as tested my thyroid (which didnt work worth
 squat). I began taking meds for that too and things seemed to be
 getting better or so I thought.
 
 My husband left me because he couldnt handle the mood swings
 anymore and he became abusive. Our divorce is almost final, yet I
 feel this awful about it because I feel that my mood swings
 caused the whole divorce.  I feel that I have ruined my childrens
 lives because they are bounced between parents weekly and I hate
 it and so do they.
 
 I am going through another episode and its really hard. I have
 days where I dont even want to get out of bed anymore and I dont
 want to face the world because I feel like I have it plastered on
 my face that I have a chemical imbalance..that I am a freak. I
 have always felt this way since I had these behaviors and I tend
 not to want to be a people person.
 
 I am very involved in my childrens schools and acitivies and I am
 a full time college student studying to teach elementary kids.
 Its alot of work and takes alot of time and patience for me to
 sit and do all of the work and take care of the kids but I do it.
 I love it...sometimes the pressure gets to be too much and I
 crack. I have a total meltdown and dont get out of bed for days
 or I am sick and cant function.
 
 I have alot of good days though and I treasure those alot.
 Especially the ones with my children. Please if you need to talk
 or want to write back and forth feel free to do so. My email is
 dimples121104@yahoo.com and I will email back daily. I check my
 email all the time. I hope anyone who has these disorders gets
 the help that they need. Earth is a good place to be.
 
 Amber