by Slipknot
June 29th, 2005

I came across your website when I was searching for self-injury stories. I always seen your email address. And I thought I would sent you my personal story on why I cut myself...and the hard times that have been thrown at me during this.

I'm only 14, but Iíve dealt with my fair share of hard times. I started cutting myself when I was in grade 6. i guess it wasnít really cutting, more like scratching myself. I started it then because I was having trouble fitting it & people teased me a lot. I tried so hard not to let the teasing get to me, but it started to really get to me. Also, my best friend started smoking weed and I then felt like everything had slipped away. So many emotions were flying through me. I didnít know what to do at all. I stopped cutting during the summer, but I was still very unhappy. I went into grade 7 forcing myself to wake up everyday. I hate life. It finally looked like everything was starting to get better though. Then in December my cousin committed suicide. The pain I felt afterwards canít even be explained. His death triggered the cutting again. I didnít know why he had done it. I thought, why should I be here if he isnít? I still havenít dealt with his death. Thatís the major reason I cut. During the summer of 04, I had the worse time. I had lost my cousin and then my best friends were moving. I felt empty. I would sit in my room crying for hours. I didnít know how to even go on. I would bag for god to let me die. Then I thought I fell in love for the first time. I guess I was wrong. All I could do was sit around and think of everything bad in my life. When I started grade 8, I tried to make it seem like I was happy, but deep down I was in so much pain. I had to hide the scars. Almost everyone knew I did it though. After a few months I got with someone. The cutting started to stop. I was doing it less and less. Then we started fighting and once again, I relied on the razor. When I'm cutting, I feel so good. Like a weights been lifted, but afterwards I hate myself. I hate that I gave into the craving. Deep down I want to stop so bad. But I donít want my mom to know how much I do cut and how much I do it. She knows that I've done it before...but only one person knows that I do it. And they canít help me. You donít realize how much just getting this off my chest helps me. Thanks again!


Published July 2005


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