Q: Please Tell Me What's Going on With Me
Hello Dr Phelps-
I have had major depression since 1999. Thats the assumption one doctor
made that I was after I was diagnosed
bipolar 2 by another doctor. I am 22 years old and live in Wisconsin.
I'm on lithium(for depression), celexa, imiprimane(which was added in Nov.),
seroquel, and lorazepam.
3 weeks ago on a Monday, I had felt up. I was really happy and felt
wonderful, on top of the world. I was also
really productive and making strides in my personal workings. And I was even
creating all these poems and rhymes just so easily. It was like ecstasy! It was
the most beautiful thing! One night, they had lost my seroquel and I was up for
40 hours straight. I didn't even feel tired-i was wide awake. Laboriously, I
cleaned my room-- only thing was I
LOVED to clean and spent 10 hours on my room, alone. That night, I had also
finished all my personal projects. I got to the animal shelter the next day
after going thru a spending spree with my government check. When I got
there, the people I had worked with told me I was high. They told me I was hyper
and asked me if I was gonna be ok-- I said, "Yeh, I'll be fine! I'm not hyper!"
A lot of ppl around me had started to notice I was speaking fast and louder.
Especially sales clerks at stores. And that I talked too much too at the
group home. I even thought about
feeding all the stray cats in Whitewater with my last 35 bucks. Instead I
took a cab home. I even thought I was the best at everything I did-- and
literally in real life, people told me I was. For that whole rest of the 2
weeks, I shopped until I dropped! It was the best fun--stores are like an
adventure to me. Until......... YOu overspend. I have learned that much in my
life, unfortunately. And I was always coming home at 9pm after being out since
8am. When I went in to see my counselor the next day, she said I was pretty high
and to have the staff watch my moods.
THEN came the bad part...............
I guess you can say this was my bad trip into dysphoric mania. On Thursday of
the third week, I transformed. The anger state started on the way home. I just
couldnt keep it bottled in me anymore. It all came out of my mouth while walking
home through a neighborhood. Cursing, up and down..... It was like I was angry
for no reason. It was an overpowering type of anger.
Friday thru Today(Thursday) my moods were swinging so terribly. They did it
within the same day. From enormous amount of rages, to depression, and back to
the manic side. I took off work because I just didn't
want them to see my sides. It was scary, since I don't know what mood I'll be in
next. I even made myself stay in my room at one point, because I was gonna
go down and attack a guy who I think stole my purse! And I stayed in the house
over the weekend, afraid of what may happen if i did go out. And I was so
Manic one day, that I had to jump around, go outside, inside, everywhere and
walk and be distracted constantly from the tv. I couldn't watch tv at all.
Besides that, I found myself talking in some chat room that was innapropriate.
(If u know what I mean) I freaked out totally and went to a support group,
scared of what I did. And I also had done something innapropriate with another
woman. :( No one knows, and I do have a guy partner and normally my sex drive
isn't that big.(Hint-Christians-After marriage) And I reamed out some people
online. (I flamed) And got so mad at one of my housemates! I just wanted to yell
and yell. And that's not like me at all.
I'm keeping a mood journal,and I can't be one hundered percent sure its bipolar
even though i'd like it to be. But, can you please tell me what's going on? If
you can? I am struggling so bad because I don't see the Doctor
until next week-- I live in a group home and he comes every 2 weeks.
Thanks Dr. Phelps!
Dear Ms' --
Tell the group home staff about this, and make sure they doctor knows
ASAP. Time for a medication change. That's a very clear description
of cycling mood/energy.
Published March, 2002