What Can I Do to Make Her Realize
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Q:  What Can I Do to Make Her Realize

I am potentially BPD and my ex-roomate is bipolar.  She stopped taking her pills and started to "freak out"  She knows she has to be on the pills and likes being on them, but when she can't afford them she forgets how out of control she gets.  She gets so angry and seems very irrational.  She was making me feel terrible so I decided to move out.  When she gets back on her pills she always comes running back and apoligizes.  Any ways, she was fine with me moving out and then two days later without even talking to her she was calling me names.  She said I am trying to ruin her life.  Her boyfriend thinks she is not treating me very well and has aploigized for her, but I left anyways.  I couldn't handle her (not the only reason but the main one) pushing me back into cutting and suicidal tendencies.  Any ways.  She has decided that I pretty much stink and has ended the friendship inspite of how much it makes no sence.  I am her bestfriend and we used to hang out everyday, and now I stink!? All the "normals" agree that she is in the wrong, but I just can't handle being her friend anymore.  What can I do to make her realize how "crazy" she is acting?  She is making up things and pretty much experiencing everything a bipolar goes threw.  I just can't handle it anymore!  Thanks!

Dear Maria 
Presuming that the events you report are roughly what really happened (as opposed to how you saw it, which may not be different at all but could be, and that would change the story a bit), I agree with your conclusion that despite the extent of your friendship, there needs to be some sort of limit to what you have to take, especially as it may have destabilizing effects on managing your own symptoms.  This is not an easy conclusion to reach, and it takes courage to reach it and stick by it.  I'm sure you're hoping that over time she'll figure out how to stay more stable, and that perhaps at that point a closer relationship could be possible again.  I hope that's what happens.  

Dr. Phelps

Published January, 2002


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