I wanted to just write a story that
hopefully could be posted on your site for other friends of
individuals with bipolar to read. In all reality, anyone could
read this but my hope is that a friend will read it and realize
the significance of their own friends' cry out for help. I am
fortunate enough today to still have my friend here but for many
out there, you're luck may run out some day.
"Willowe" came into my life just
about 5 months ago. She was someone that after our first
conversation, I knew we would be significant to one another's
lives. We talked endlessly on the phone. She made me laugh about
things, but most importantly she made me think about life in a
completely different way. She has such an amazing insight about
life and how one should not waste anytime worrying about whether
or not something should be done. Willowe's feeling is that one
should always try to experience life to the fullest because there
is no guarantee for tomorrow.
Willowe and I were talking one day
on the computer and she told me of her diagnosis with Bipolar
disorder. She was very open to questions I had about it, what meds
she had to take and so forth. My whole life I have worked with
individuals with various disabilities, primarily that of
Developmental Disabilities and Mental Retardation. However, I had
completed an internship in the field of Mental Health so I figured
I would be ready to provide her with any support that she may ever
need. The typical feeling of a "true educated helper"..eventually
I would find out for myself that there is no true education for
experiencing that first episode with someone that you consider a
close friend. Not one minute of the countless hours of college
education that I had completed could of ever prepared myself for
that night.
A cold night in December....a
night that I shall never forget as it was a night that I seriously
thought that I was going to lose this person that I can honestly
say that I had grown to love. Various events throughout the day
had brought to her so much pain that all she wanted was someone to
come to her side. I wanted to be this person, I told her I would
come but external factors that I could have avoided but didn't
prevented me from going to her side. This disappointment she felt
in me compounded with everything that had happened that day
brought to her an indescribable amount of pain. Why I had said
that I would go and then not keep to my promise? This was the
worse thing that I could have done. There were no words that I
could say to her to bring about a sense of calmness for her. All
that crap I had learned in school was just that crap. My friend
needed me and I was not there for her. It was as plain and as
simple as that. Through all of the yelling and crying, all she
wanted and needed was to see that someone cared enough about her
to go to her side. I didn't do that for reasons I can't explain or
that wouldn't make sense to anyone without being there that night.
My friend was in pain. Voice messages that she had left describe
injury to herself. She had broken things within her home and she
had been drinking. I thought for sure something worse was going to
happen and I couldn't help to feel as if I was partly to blame. I
called authorities in her area to go and check on her. They did
only to call me back and tell me that she was ok and did not need
any immediate treatment. However, the very politically correct
dispatch officer said to me that "I should rethink my decision in
being her friend, as you know she has a mental problem." I jumped
on that one immediately. I thanked her for sending some one to
check on my friends well -being. However, I did not appreciate the
language she used to describe this person in my life. I said I was
well aware of her mental health concerns. It was not a "problem"
but a disorder. I thought to myself what an ass. A problem is
something that is created by human error or such. Willowe's did
not create her Bipolar disorder. It was not like she was just
sitting around the house one day and said to herself...."Hey, I'm
bored. I know I think I'll make myself have Bipolar disorder."
Willowe was ok. She was better
than ok...she was alive. Our relationship survived the events of
that night and possibly has grown stronger and closer since that
night. I learned a great deal from that night. I walk through life
everyday helping people from all walks of life with various
disabilities. Everything changes when it's someone that you love
that needs the help. I couldn't get to my friend that night but I
was lucky. From many talks with Willowe since that night, she has
told me that with Bipolar many give into suicide. They cry out for
the help and when no one comes, why should they go on?
I wrote this story to shed some
light on the true importance of friendship. If you are reading
from this site, quite possibly you have a friend with Bipolar
disorder. I challenge everyone to learn all they can about the
life that your friend lives everyday. Simple reading can do so
much for you. Willowe bought me this book: "An Unquiet MInd" by
Kay Redfield Jamison. This book is incredible. I urge you to read
it have you not done so already. Ask questions, find out how
you're friend is feeling. Let them know how much you mean to them.
Keep them close in your heart and thought always. Somehow learn to
know that they need you before they have to ask for help. I am
trying to learn all I can about this disorder not only for me but
for Willowe. I need to be a better person for her and know how to
help. Most importantly, when at all possible go to your friend.
Let them physically see that you care. Words can only mean so much
when they are not followed up by actions. If you're at this site,
then it's quite obvious that you care.
Willowe, should you ever come
across this story...always know that I love you and will always be
there for you. Not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts.
I am very thankful that our pathes in life have crossed. You are a
beautiful person!!!!!!
smiles and a hug
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