Looking through
curtained windows
trees sway
in morning 
leaves float like dream feathers
gliding side to side
along the breeze

a slow bird 
morning song
gathers momentum
 

the greyish blue sky
still in the waking silence
for the sunlight chill
frosty sugar 
upon the ground

i can hear the slow
easy breath of people
as they sleep in warmth
of cosy insulated dreams

i inhale this sweet moment
with tired eyes
i wonder if i am allergic
awake and so afraid
of sleeping ao/00
 

Autumn

Bless the Autumn beauty
of cold, bone- bit breeze.
The early lamplight duty
peirces the dark of streets.

Looking up to distant stars
That died a long time ago,
with precious knowledge
you can still see them glow.

Orange river of leaves
beneath the skelatol nudity.
It is only the seasons
disrobing them of their dignity.

A spoonfull of wind
For a broken umbrella
A puddle of rain
for proof of your clothes.

It follows you forward
with age in hand, 
reflections through wet windows,
time is in your plans.
ao/98
 

NEW SILENCE

Seated,
he rubs his paunch
self consciously
watching to see
if a girl
at the far table
is watching.

Leaning back on his chair
into his lost self
trying to remember when
he had the confidence to win.

He lights a cigarette
takes a slow drag
then reaches back
through the smoke.

The girl looks up
from a coffe cup
drinks his image in
half smiles 
then looks away.

He knows
he is no movie star
no humphrey bogart
but there is a flame
he may never quinch
sometimes seen
in new silence.
 

Days

Some days smile
others frown hiding
each new mask
worn in deciding.

who will we be
today as we rise?
to look in the mirrors
of reflective lies.

some nights tired
from the day gone by
minds ly sleepy
ragged and tired.

who will we be
tonight as we dream?
slaying our dragons
killing to be free.
ao/00

Works of Art 
    By: Stacy 
    June 2000 
stacymil32@hotmail.com
 

    MASKS 

    Masks of good 
    Masks of bad 
    Masks so happy 
    Masks so sad 
    Masks that come from down inside 
    Show up at times I can't decide 
    What mask will it be today 
    Will it be a joyous one 
    Or one of shear dismay 

    Masks of fear 
    Masks so bold 
    Masks spine chilling 
    Masks so cold 
    The evil twin that lurks about 
    Often chooses the masks strange route 

    Who are the masks that are inside 
    well come and let me show 
    there is an awkward blue one 
    who always wants to be alone 

    The mask of rage 
    holds the color red 
    of hot and burning embers 
    scaring people that she meets like 
    a dragon with no head 
 

    Masks so happy 
    Masks of love 
    Are colors of the spring 
    With flowers blooming all about 
    And voices that want to sing 

    Masks so lonely 
    All alone 
    Lie in a pool of brown 
    Mixing with the color of dirt 
    Getting covered by the ground 
 
 
 

    The mask of pride shines purple 
    Like a lilac 
    Upright and strong 
    Nothing can turn it from being to right 
    to it being wrong 

    Sometimes the masks talk so loud 
    like thunder in my brain 
    the confusion runs like a gray cloud 
    full of pounding rain 

    the mask of death 
    the evil twin 
    is there at every turn 
    it's blacker than the night 
    and will forever return 

    Mask of green 
    Of jealousy 
    Shows only when asked 
    The numbness of love 
    Lets that feeling lapse 

    Mask of white 
    shows the numbness that I feel 
    The sorrow I can't overcome 
    When the colors start to mix 
    slowly one by one 

    The orange mask is confusion 
    It's felt all the time 
    Asking which way do I go next 
    Which job is next in line 

    I want to choose the color 
    I want to choose he way 
    The masks that make the rainbow 
    Effect my mood today 

    They say the meds will make it stop 
    The masks will turn to dust 
    But the colors of the masks 
    Shine from dawn till dusk 
 

    My head is full 
    The masks speak so quickly 
    I can't slow them down 
    Please make them go away 
    I don't want to drown 
 

    But who am I 
    Behind the mask 
    The person I now know 
    I have fallen deep inside myself 
    To where I shouldn't go 
 

    but when you look into each mask 
    the eyes always the same 
    my same brown eyes 
    me who has to deal with all the pain 

    My brain has been an okay place 
    With troubles some, 
    Still few 
    For after the time of 33 years 
    You would think that you know you 
    I want the masks to go away 
    And my eyes to shine anew 

sickness is a slow trek
along polished corridors
past long dark weeks
filled with human fears.
 

survival of individuals
inside a smashed up world
resurfacing for some oxygen
as we relearn how to breathe.

JOY BIRTH/a0l0

I can live in my head
smile there till bliss
of a musical ocean
rolling in with a kiss

time will wash 
a soul of repair
over rocky hours
trapped inside her stare

so cold and icy
like the deep blue sky
broken by the silence
of a memory flying
 

(ao/99)
 

Thinking
In my head 
you are beautifull
in my logic
you are unsatisfied
in my future
you are my past
in my need
 you are my plan
in my reality
you are dead and gone
in my hope you are my regret
in my talk
you are my last word.

Ao/99)!!!!!!
 

Day

Time fills silence
on the eve of a new morn
shadows fall out of veiw
sunlight brings the dawn.

The colours of a dream
fade where sleep ends.
I switch another mind on-
eyes open once again.

Beyond the light green curtains
is another hungry day,
in the belly of the city
where greedy people play.
ao/98
 

Things

You let people 
get in the way
you let moments
ruin other days.

You let people get you down.

You let words
punch and kick.
You let time
in boredom tick.

you let opportunities
pass you by.

You let sentiment
move you back.
You let shyness
shut your mouth.

You let apathy keep feelings out.
ao/98

Works of Art 
By: Stacy 

MASKS 

Masks of good 
Masks of bad 
Masks so happy 
Masks so sad 
Masks that come from down inside 
Show up at times I can't decide 
What mask will it be today 
Will it be a joyous one 
Or one of shear dismay 

Masks of fear 
Masks so bold 
Masks spine chilling 
Masks so cold 
The evil twin that lurks about 
Often chooses the masks strange route 

Who are the masks that are inside 
well come and let me show 
there is an awkward blue one 
who always wants to be alone 

The mask of rage 
holds the color red 
of hot and burning embers 
scaring people that she meets like 
a dragon with no head 
 

Masks so happy 
Masks of love 
Are colors of the spring 
With flowers blooming all about 
And voices that want to sing 

Masks so lonely 
All alone 
Lie in a pool of brown 
Mixing with the color of dirt 
Getting covered by the ground 
 
 
 

The mask of pride shines purple 
Like a lilac 
Upright and strong 
Nothing can turn it from being to right 
to it being wrong 

Sometimes the masks talk so loud 
like thunder in my brain 
the confusion runs like a gray cloud 
full of pounding rain 

the mask of death 
the evil twin 
is there at every turn 
it's blacker than the night 
and will forever return 

Mask of green 
Of jealousy 
Shows only when asked 
The numbness of love 
Lets that feeling lapse 

Mask of white 
shows the numbness that I feel 
The sorrow I can't overcome 
When the colors start to mix 
slowly one by one 

The orange mask is confusion 
It's felt all the time 
Asking which way do I go next 
Which job is next in line 

I want to choose the color 
I want to choose he way 
The masks that make the rainbow 
Effect my mood today 

They say the meds will make it stop 
The masks will turn to dust
But the colors of the masks 
Shine from dawn till dusk 
 

My head is full 
The masks speak so quickly 
I can't slow them down 
Please make them go away 
I don't want to drown 
 

But who am I 
Behind the mask 
The person I now know 
I have fallen deep inside myself 
To where I shouldn't go 
 

but when you look into each mask 
the eyes always the same 
my same brown eyes 
me who has to deal with all the pain 

My brain has been an okay place 
With troubles some, 
Still few 
For after the time of 33 years 
You would think that you know you 
I want the masks to go away 
And my eyes to shine anew 

Poetry from softsmile

letter to a lover

will you be my arms and legs
now that i am so weak?
will you be my mind and voice
when i cannot speak?
will you look at me with love
regardless of what you see?
will you hold me tightly
when i am not me?
promise me these things today
and all else that i ask
when i become the other one
my peace becomes your task
do not leave me here
afraid/numb/alone
i grow so very tired
and my heart feels like a stone

take me

take me to the beach
i need a day
away
walk with me today
hold my hand
on the sand
let me be away
away from meds
noisy heads
run to the water
cleanse with the sea
you, me
remember this day
hold it tight
day into night

the path chosen

which path will i travel today
will i see beauty in my world
happiness in my soul
love in my heart?
will i be troubled by anger
confused in thought
filled with fear
and hopelessness?
do i control my fate
can i say no to the pain
will i ever return
to the peaceful path?
the sun shines bright on me
my skin, warm and soft
touched by the sweet breeze
of tranquil mind and body

the swimmer

early she swims
to wash away the wordz
to wash away the panic
the spasm of manic
she swims to retain
the *crust*
the softsmile
the hugeness of things
what the swimming brings
to the swimmer
if everything she needs
and nothing at all

things that make up my day

alarm clock tuned to confusion
bowl of despair for breakfast
backhoe full of medications
precision drill team racing thoughts
pretend-it's-not-ringing phone calls
inventory of clever scar sites
careless computer stumblings
low self-esteem platter for lunch
nap of the damned
aggravated family encounters (real)
aggravated family encounters (imagined)
persistent awareness of deficiencies
bipolar casserole deluxe dinner
weeping/laughing/love/hate/live/die