John's Page Two

My Manic Summer


I had already been hypomanic for some time when I believe I went up over the top.  I had started a little business of my own selling rocks and crystals and  anything else that would fit the Shirley McLaine craze of the time.  I became fanatical about it.  I learned all there was to know about each stone and every 
crystal. How to buy and who to sell to. I would drive over fifty miles in the morning to get some rocks that were trash from building roads and sell them by noon for several hundred bucks. Over and over.

My wife and I were on shaky grounds I had just returned home from being gone with my son camping for a couple months.  She had filed for divorce and had it written in the papers I could not leave the state with my son cause I was practicing witch craft “devil worship”.  This was real amusing to me because
all I was doing was meditating and selling rocks.  Finally she went to Portland with some friends from her church and she never came home.  I got worried when I couldn’t find her.  Then I started to not sleep at all. I was already only getting three or four hours a night.  I called every hospital then the State Police.  No wife and kids anywhere. 

Well by now I was really flying.   I decided to get my mind off it and get busy, so one day I took off and went on a buying spree.  I was looking at some raw emeralds when I got this terrible overwhelming urge to call home.  Maybe they are home..  I called and it was someone else in my house. I heard the voice of one of my wife’s religious fanatic friends, I  heard my daughter screaming so I didn’t know what to think….I rushed home I think I went 25 miles in about 15 minutes. There was no one there.  I went to open the door the lock had been changed.  Now I was beginning to see the Light.  So I rushed to the back door it was changed too.  I busted it down. 

Ring Ring it was the police “didn’t you get the notice to leave?”  I told the officer to fuck off.  I wasn’t leaving my house..  We had a bit of a stand off for several hours.  I  decided to go out and was thrown down and taken away.  Only to be released at the cop shop. 

I was wide awake and ready to take on the world.  But things started to get real sketchy here especially in my memory so please excuse if I jump all over the place, with this.  Now I needed a place to stay.  So to the motels I went.  I was so horny, I decided to go to one of the bars nearby.  But on my way it was like magic or as if these women had radar, they popped out of no where.  Lots and lots of them.. I had my pick.  I wasn’t lonely and I knew just where to find me a harem.  Now all I had to do is make sure I
had enough money.. I couldn’t get to my stones and things (instruments of the devil) these fucking religious nuts were pissing me off by now. 

I decided to call my wife and see what’s up “satan I rebuke you” is all I’d get when I asked for  anything of mine. Now I was real upset, why was she talkin so weird.   I decided to check out the preacher of the church she was going to ask him what was up.  After a brief altercation of words he said “satan I rebuke 
you”.  I said that’s not my name and for him to fuck off.  It felt so good as I walked out the door of his church and I heard his copy machine blow up.  I started going church to church.  I  need to go home pray for me.. Oh no you need to change first.  No sleep now for weeks I guess I think I got drunk and
passed out with Jake the dog a couple of nights in a friends back yard. 

Now I was real bold.  I’d go to bars and try and get into trouble.  Drive all night around and around. I was not too picky about the women I picked up by now it didn’t even matter if they were sitting next to their husbands in a bar or restaurant.   Then I  remembered something my wife had said to me a few 
months before.  Patsy says “you are satan”.  Ok It was Patsy.  That is who is causing all this pain.  I had this terrible urge to go and tear Patsy’s heart out. Why not I don’t have my family I’m sleeping where ever I can.  I couldn’t decide whether to kill myself or Patsy or the both of us, I was really spinning.  I drove and drove all around up and down every street in Salem. 

About this time I called my psychologist who I hadn’t seen in a while and let him in on what was happening.  My psychologist had treated me for years for stress and depression and I trusted him with anything.  He asked me to do myself a favor and go to mental health and from there I went to the State Hospital for three weeks where I was diagnosed 
Bipolar.  This was not the first manic episode I had experienced, it was the first time I found out what it was.  I am very thankful I took my psychologist advice.   I started lithium during my stay at the hospital over 12 years ago.  Although my drug cocktail has changed over the years I have stayed on meds almost religiously and never since then had that long or serious mania.  I do still have my moments from time to time 



Why don’t you come for me

I’ve been waiting


When will this ever end for me

I’ve been wanting


If only I knew how and when

That this is now

And that was then

Bring me to here away from when

Away from then

To here and now



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